Ever since I started sharing pictures with my now fiancé on my page I have gotten one particular question a lot. Girls of all different ages have been asking how to know if the guy I am with is the one God picked for me, or how to find that guy, and just a lot of questions pertaining to relationships and wanting to be in the right one.
Before Ethan and I started dating I had gone out with guys but never had a serious boyfriend that I stayed consistent with. I would go out on some dates during high school and in middle school I had a “boyfriend”, who was basically just a friend deemed with that title and we would only hang out in big groups of friends or at school during lunch with super awkward middle school tendencies. But I was never involved with anyone seriously and no guy ever seemed to fit with me in a relationship context. So when I met Ethan and we started dating and it got serious it was a whole new experience for me. To start spending everyday with someone who wanted to pursue a serious relationship with me, who loved Jesus and to start having serious feelings, it was very new to me. I remember when he started to pursue me, I wasn’t sure where it was going to lead, but the biggest difference between him and boys I had known in the past was the intention and determination he put into pursing me. Looking back at the weeks before we started dating I realized all the ways he began to pursue me and be intentional with our relashionship.
To be completely honest with you I never really knew or understood intentional dating up until my senior year of high school. I had never been exposed to it and I never wanted to be serious with anyone because I was so young and not convicted about finding anyone to be with. I saw my self going off to college and spending a few years living as a single women independently before dating a few guys, finding someone and starting dating serious, and then marrying them. But, the Autumn before I met Ethan my perspective changed a lot.
I learned about what it meant to trust God to pick your spouse and date with the intention of marriage. I sat down and began to seriously pray about what that meant to me and what that would look like. I thought that if I trust God with ever other part of my life and surrender everything to him then this is an area I needed to surrender to him. I really wanted a boyfriend for a long time and didn’t have one. After I decided my heart was set on intentionally seeking someone and that it was what God was leading me to do, I started praying about it. I asked God to let the next guy I date be the one he picked for me to marry if that’s what he had planned for my life. I prayed for my future husband and made a list about the type of man I hoped he would be. Then came a season of waiting.
By the time summer rolled around I was no longer thinking of getting into any kind of relationship, and my priorities shifted elsewhere. I was focused on school, my business, growing in my faith, and my blog. I was enjoying just being single and having the time to spend with those closest to me. During this time, one summer night my church had a young adult group pool party at one of my best friend’s house. There was a new guy there who I had never met before. I remember thinking how cute he was, listening to him sing and lead worship for us that night, getting his instagram and then just shrugging it off thinking he was cute and not expecting to much to come out of it.
Over the next few weeks we started DMing, then snapchating, and then texting constantly. Eventually, he came over to my house for another youth group bible study one night and afterwards our group went mini golfing. That night we had a chance to talk alone and really connected. After that he invited himself over to my house to give me guitar lessons and then after that we hung out every night after work, and before I knew it he was my boyfriend. The whole relationship between us happened very quickly, very intentional, very naturally and he was intentional with pursing me and his intentions. One whole year later, we are engaged and he is my closet friend and the love of my life.
A few weeks after we got engaged I was in my room cleaning and I found a old note book. As I went through it I find the list I made for the type of man I was looking for and what I hoped God would bring into my life. Now the list was very specific in some areas, and Ethan checked off every single one of them. God is so faithful, he answered so many of my prayers when he brought Ethan into my life.
I knew from the day I said yes to being Ethan’s girlfriend that I could see myself marrying him. I knew that his qualities were ones I had desired in a future husband. As our relationship progressed it wasn’t always easy, but it always felt right and God put it on both of our hearts to stay together no matter what. We went though a rough patch of a couple months where we both struggled with our relationship and our goals for our life, but God continued to put it on our hearts that we should stay together. I knew he was “the one” because even with everything we went through and all of the obstacles we faced, God kept pushing us to pursue a relationship with each other even when the option of breaking up seemed easier.
My best advice to the question of what to look for in the next guy you date is to pray about it and take hold of what qualities God puts on your heart. After you pray about those qualities make a list and in a time of waiting pray on them. Pray for your future husband and trust God to help you navigate dating because it can be such a difficult thing at times. If you have a boyfriend now or a fiancé and it isn’t on your heart from God to stay with them, or if it doesn’t feel right, then leave him. God always has a plan for you and the man he has picked for you will be the best possible person in your life and exceed your expectations if you let God lead your relationship.
Some questions you can ask yourself are:
1. Is he a type of man you would be proud to have your son be just like?
2. If you had a daughter, would you want her to be treated the way you are treated?
3. Does he spiritually lead you? Is he in a place of spiritual maturity?
4. Does he fit the qualities the bible says a man should have?
A Good friend once told me to use 1 corinthians 13:4-8 as a guideline, and to replace the word love with the name of the guy I am with. Is he patient? Is he to jealous of others? Is he humble? Does he brag too much? Is he rude? Is he selfish? Does he get really angry? Does he hold grudges?
No man is perfect, we all have flaws and areas where we need to improve and ways God can sharpen us. But its important to trust God, even with our relationships because he has a wonderful plan for our future and knows exactly the type of man he intends for us to be with.
God is so intentional. It amazes me how he works. If you are the girl in a season of waiting know this:
God has a man for you, in this season of waiting theres is a reason, and he is preparing you both and will bring you together in his time. You are a beautiful amazing daughter of Christ and he has such a wonderful godly man for you. Don’t compromise your standards and what you hope for just for the sake of being in a relationship. Because the relationship God has for you, with the right man will exceed all you expectations. do not try and allow you convictions of wallets in a future spouse to be swayed even when you get impatient with waiting. Trust God and his timing, knowing that there is a time for everything and that with each season there is purpose.