5 tips of advice I would give to anyone struggling with purity in a relationship 

a open letter about my baptism, testimony and what God is currently doing in my life.jpg

5 tips of advice I would give to anyone struggling with purity in a relationship 

Let me start this off by saying, 

Been there, done that. I get it completely, the proof is in my 8 month pregnant belly. I am not here to come off as preachy or make you feel bad, but just to give you some real live advice and share some bible verses I wish someone would have shared with my husband and I when we first started dating. 

I have been open on my blog and Instagram about getting pregnant before being married, but I haven’t really addressed the topic of purity and pursuing Gods plan for a dating relationship.

Many of you have sent me tons of questions regarding the topic of staying pure in a relationship. After a season of repentance and spending lots of time in the word, I finally feel ready and know that God has put it on my heart to share some things with you about the topic of sex, purity and relationships. Some words of wisdom and bible verses I wish a friend or mentor would have shared with me that could have had the potential to stop me from falling into sin before it was to late.

I truthfully believe that the majority of people set out with good intentions. That when someone does something, they don’t begin the action with the intention to hurt or do wrong but sometimes somehow gets steered off course and good intentions are overshadowed by sin. 

As for Ethan and I, we both intended to wait till marriage to have sex. We wanted to follow God’s plan for a relationship and honor him. In fact, we had many conversations about not wanting to have sex with each other since we weren’t married and wanted to honor God. Initially, neither of us intended to engage physically with each other until the day we were married.

Physical boundaries are very important in a relationship. Once they get crossed, the line slowly keeps getting pushed back further and further and further until you’re at the point where you’ve crossed the line. 

It is easy to justify it to yourself when society condones and promotes having premarital sex. Or by listening to your friends talk about their experiences with their girlfriend or boyfriend. It’s easy to find ways to make it seem not so bad. And in some ways sexual sin is different then other types of sin, because sexual sin can usually be hidden or not talked about until one day it catches up to you and it can’t be hidden any longer. 

It has been really important for me to know and hear and understand that sin is sin. That we are all sinners in need of a savior. 

No one is immune to sin. We all fall short and mess up. Grace doesn't give us a free pass to knowingly sin. When we sin and we know its wrong but still do it any way, it’s a deliberately turning away from God. It is like saying Hey God, I know this isn’t what you want, I know its wrong but for whatever reason I am going to continue not to honor you and just do my own thing.  Jesus doesn’t condemn us, but he does call us to turn from sin and live by the word because it is the best way. 

Sex before marriage is wrong. The bible is so clear about it, there is no way we can say we are christ followers, live by the bible but still have sex outside of the covent of marriage. Because no matter how you want to look at it, its a sin. Sexual sin is a serious sin because it is a sin done within ones body. The body is a temple, because after coming to christ the holy spirt lives within us. We are told that we were bought at a price and are called to glorify God with our body. ( See 1 Corinthians 6:18-20)

If you are that person who has gone too far and crossed the line, you should know that you never run to far to be forgiven and redeemed with God’s love & grace.

Or if you are someone who didn’t cross that line, use this to learn from and as a precautionary tale or advice for any situation you may find yourself in, in the future. 

Here are some things I wish people would have told me 

1. Gods plan for a relationship is always better - No matter what, the way God designs relationship is better. The relationship he has for you and one that honors him is better then any you could chase after alone. The bible is pretty clear on sex, and not putting yourself in a position to have sex until you are under covent and married 

2. if you wouldn’t want to sit and tell your parents what your doing you shouldn't be doing it - enough said

3. don’t put yourself in situations where you will be tempted - this is pretty self explanatory, if you put your self in a situation where you are gonna have the chance to fall into sin, the enemy will do everything in his power to make you fall. Don't think you are strong enough to resist temptation, its designed to make you fall.

4. If this isn’t the person you are going to marry you will regret anything physical with them- My Husband and I feel so blessed that we were both virgins when we met and have only been with each other in that way but we had past relationships. Things as simple as holding hands or kissing are things we say we wish we could have just experienced for the first time together. when you are young, you think the person you are dating is who you will be with forever and thats not always the case. So the less you invest in them physically the more you are able to further protect your future spouses heart and your future marriage.

5. married sex is just the best sex - Sex is good, in fact it’s great, but only in the right contents God intended it for. God gave sex as a gift within the covent of marriage, intended to be shared between husband and wife as a bonding experience. If that gift is misused outside Gods purpose then it is not good, it can and will be painful, bring guilt and consequences.

Having sex, isn't just as simple as the act of sex. The bible teaches us that sex is really meaningful and meant to be between a husband and a wife after they have made a covent with God before witness and that they are one. It is a bonding experience where two people literally become “one flesh”. Its such a intimate experience and is beautiful when shared with the right person and in the right time.

If you have had sex before marriage, hope is not lost and you can be forgiven. God is a good father and he rejoices in our repentance and cleanses us from impurities. I know from my own walk and season of repentance, that God is merciful and a loving father. Once you walk away from sinning and start honoring God in your relationship, he will bless it beyond measure.

If you haven't had sex, are struggling with crossing boundaries I really encourage you to wait for the right time to enjoy the gift of sex. To wait on God’s timing and follow what the bible is clear about teaching.

Bible verses for referenced & to study if you struggle with this

1 corinthians 6

Hebrew 13:4

Galatians 5:19-21

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5

1 corinthians 7:8-9

1 Corinthians 6:18-20

My wedding day- Becoming Mrs.Wescoe

Our wedding day

The day we said I do

I still cant believe that my wedding day has come and passed by so quickly. In the months of planning before hand it felt as if it would take forever until the day we both would say “I do.” But in the blink of an eye, November 16th arrived and would forever become the best day of my life.

I had been told by family and friends that the wedding day would fly by, and it truly did. Gods grace and love was so present on that day and he allowed everything to work out perfectly and better than I could have ever imagined.

The day before our wedding my amazing friends, brides maids, mother in law, baby sister, and husband all spent the day crafting together last minute decorations and creating the flower bouquets for our special day. I don't know what I would have done without the amazing bride tribe of people who helped out that day. Ethan was such an amazing helper as well. He was so involved with the wedding and helping everyone with every single detail. He was so present in the whole entire process.

Later that evening, we were supposed to have our rehearsal for our ceremony and also decorate the church so that everything would be up and ready to go the next day. Unfortunately, we had a freak snow storm that covered the roads with 8 inches of snow. So due to the unexpected snow storm, our rehearsal and decorating plans got canceled for that night. But God was in control and knew how to have everything work out for the best. My Maid of Honor and best friend, changed her flight due to a personal scheduling conflict from 10pm Thursday night to arrive at 12pm earlier that day. Her flight landed right before the snow started to fall.  

Thursday came and went in a blink of a eye. On Friday morning I woke up next to my best friend and maid of honor around 7am and could not fall back to sleep. I was so excited! I saw Ethan for a few minutes that morning before he left to go decorate the church and we took time to go to a quiet room and pray over the day and the life that God has planned for us. Then my friend picked me up and the brides maids and I headed off to get our nails done, and get lunch before going over to help with last min decorations at the church.

As soon as we started getting ready and my hair and makeup was getting done, it started to feel real. It finally felt like I was really a bride about to get married. From the moment I got into my dress till the end of the night seemed to go go by in a blurry blink of a eye.

We had our first look at 3 o’clock and then bridal party pictures afterwards before a quick rehearsal just before the ceremony. After our rehearsal the boys went to their room to wait for the wedding to start and the girls went to another room. Our amazing pastor came to both rooms separately and prayed over us. The prayer circle right before the wedding was one of my most special memories from that day. All the women and our pastor in the room said a prayer over me for Ethan and I and the life we were about to start together. It was really special and intimate and during the prayer circle there were many tears of joy. Then right before the ceremony, Ethan came down to the bridal room and prayed with me before we got ready to walk down the aisle.

Just moments before walking down the aisle to say I do, my brides maids and I prayed together outside the sanctuary as we waited for our cue to go. The whole day from the time I woke up, to getting ready throughout the day, to just moments of people pulling us aside to pray was covered by prayer and Gods love was really felt by everyone.

One of my most favorite and special moments of the day came when I walked down the aisle towards Ethan and he started to cry with such emotion! One of the things I love most about him is how loving, sweet, and sentimental he truly is. The ceremony was so beautiful and better then I could have ever imagined.

Our reception was filled with lots of sweet treats, dancing, love, and laughter. It seemed to pass us by so quickly as we spent the evening celebrating with the people who love us and whom we love dearly. We had our first dance, dinner, speeches, cake cutting, bouquets toss, dancing, and ended the night with a bubble send off. We left the church, got into our car and drove away to our honey moon still in a wedding gown and tux.

Needless to say it was and forever will be the best day of my life. I married my best friend, the most amazing man I could have ever asked for, and became apart of a beautiful family whom I love dearly. God has blessed us abundantly, and we are so excited for what he has in store for us.

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All Pictures taken by Mary dalton

How to Know He is the Guy God Picked For You

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Ever since I started sharing pictures with my now fiancé on my page I have gotten one particular question a lot. Girls of all different ages have been asking how to know if the guy I am with is the one God picked for me, or how to find that guy, and just a lot of questions pertaining to relationships and wanting to be in the right one. 

Before Ethan and I started dating I had gone out with guys but never had a serious boyfriend that I stayed consistent with. I would go out on some dates during high school and in middle school I had a “boyfriend”, who was basically just a friend deemed with that title and we would only hang out in big groups of friends or at school during lunch with super awkward middle school tendencies. But I was never involved with anyone seriously and no guy ever seemed to fit with me in a relationship context. So when I met Ethan and we started dating and it got serious it was a whole new experience for me. To start spending everyday with someone who wanted to pursue a serious relationship with me, who loved Jesus and to start having serious feelings, it was very new to me. I remember when he started to pursue me, I wasn’t sure where it was going to lead, but the biggest difference between him and boys I had known in the past was the intention and determination he put into pursing me. Looking back at the weeks before we started dating I realized all the ways he began to pursue me and be intentional with our relashionship.

To be completely honest with you I never really knew or understood intentional dating up until my senior year of high school. I had never been exposed to it and I never wanted to be serious with anyone because I was so young and not convicted about finding anyone to be with. I saw my self going off to college and spending a few years living as a single women independently before dating a few guys, finding someone and starting dating serious, and then marrying them. But, the Autumn before I met Ethan my perspective changed a lot.

I learned about what it meant to trust God to pick your spouse and date with the intention of marriage. I sat down and began to seriously pray about what that meant to me and what that would look like. I thought that if I trust God with ever other part of my life and surrender everything to him then this is an area I needed to surrender to him. I really wanted a boyfriend for a long time and didn’t have one. After I decided my heart was set on intentionally seeking someone and that it was what God was leading me to do, I started praying about it. I asked God to let the next guy I date be the one he picked for me to marry if that’s what he had planned for my life. I prayed for my future husband and made a list about the type of man I hoped he would be.  Then came a season of waiting. 

By the time summer rolled around I was no longer thinking of getting into any kind of relationship, and my priorities shifted elsewhere. I was focused on school, my business, growing in my faith, and my blog. I was enjoying just being single and having the time to spend with those closest to me. During this time, one summer night my church had a young adult group pool party at one of my best friend’s house. There was a new guy there who I had never met before. I remember thinking how cute he was, listening to him sing and lead worship for us that night, getting his instagram and then just shrugging it off thinking he was cute and not expecting to much to come out of it. 

Over the next few weeks we started DMing, then snapchating, and then texting constantly. Eventually, he came over to my house for another youth group bible study one night and afterwards our group went mini golfing. That night we had a chance to talk alone and really connected. After that he invited himself over to my house to give me guitar lessons and then after that we hung out every night after work, and before I knew it he was my boyfriend. The whole relationship between us happened very quickly, very intentional, very naturally and he was intentional with pursing me and his intentions.  One whole year later, we are engaged and he is my closet friend and the love of my life.

A few weeks after we got engaged I was in my room cleaning and I found a old note book. As I went through it I find the list I made for the type of man I was looking for and what I hoped God would bring into my life. Now the list was very specific in some areas, and Ethan checked off every single one of them. God is so faithful, he answered so many of my prayers when he brought Ethan into my life. 

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I knew from the day I said yes to being Ethan’s girlfriend that I could see myself marrying him. I knew that his qualities were ones I had desired in a future husband. As our relationship progressed it wasn’t always easy, but it always felt right and God put it on both of our hearts to stay together no matter what. We went though a rough patch of a couple months where we both struggled with our relationship and our goals for our life, but God continued to put it on our hearts that we should stay together. I knew he was “the one” because even with everything we went through and all of the obstacles we faced, God kept pushing us to pursue a relationship with each other even when the option of breaking up seemed easier. 

My best advice to the question of what to look for in the next guy you date is to pray about it and take hold of what qualities God puts on your heart. After you pray about those qualities make a list and in a time of waiting pray on them. Pray for your future husband and trust God to help you navigate dating because it can be such a difficult thing at times. If you have a boyfriend now or a fiancé and it isn’t on your heart from God to stay with them, or if it doesn’t feel right, then leave him. God always has a plan for you and the man he has picked for you will be the best possible person in your life and exceed your expectations if you let God lead your relationship. 

Some questions you can ask yourself are:

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1. Is he a type of man you would be proud to have your son be just like?

2. If you had a daughter, would you want her to be treated the way you are treated?

3. Does he spiritually lead you? Is he in a place of spiritual maturity?

4. Does he fit the qualities the bible says a man should have? 

A Good friend once told me to use 1 corinthians 13:4-8 as a guideline, and to replace the word love with the name of the guy I am with. Is he patient? Is he to jealous of others? Is he humble? Does he brag too much? Is he rude? Is he selfish? Does he get really angry? Does he hold grudges?

No man is perfect, we all have flaws and areas where we need to improve and ways God can sharpen us. But its important to trust God, even with our relationships because he has a wonderful plan for our future and knows exactly the type of man he intends for us to be with. 

God is so intentional. It amazes me how he works. If you are the girl in a season of waiting know this: 

God has a man for you, in this season of waiting  theres is a reason, and he is preparing you both and will bring you together in his time. You are a beautiful amazing daughter of Christ and he has such a wonderful godly man for you. Don’t compromise your standards and what you  hope for just for the sake of being in a relationship. Because the relationship God has for you, with the right man will exceed all you expectations. do not try and allow you convictions of wallets in a future spouse to be swayed even when you get impatient with waiting. Trust God and his timing, knowing that there is a time for everything and that with each season there is purpose. 

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