5 tips of advice I would give to anyone struggling with purity in a relationship
Let me start this off by saying,
Been there, done that. I get it completely, the proof is in my 8 month pregnant belly. I am not here to come off as preachy or make you feel bad, but just to give you some real live advice and share some bible verses I wish someone would have shared with my husband and I when we first started dating.
I have been open on my blog and Instagram about getting pregnant before being married, but I haven’t really addressed the topic of purity and pursuing Gods plan for a dating relationship.
Many of you have sent me tons of questions regarding the topic of staying pure in a relationship. After a season of repentance and spending lots of time in the word, I finally feel ready and know that God has put it on my heart to share some things with you about the topic of sex, purity and relationships. Some words of wisdom and bible verses I wish a friend or mentor would have shared with me that could have had the potential to stop me from falling into sin before it was to late.
I truthfully believe that the majority of people set out with good intentions. That when someone does something, they don’t begin the action with the intention to hurt or do wrong but sometimes somehow gets steered off course and good intentions are overshadowed by sin.
As for Ethan and I, we both intended to wait till marriage to have sex. We wanted to follow God’s plan for a relationship and honor him. In fact, we had many conversations about not wanting to have sex with each other since we weren’t married and wanted to honor God. Initially, neither of us intended to engage physically with each other until the day we were married.
Physical boundaries are very important in a relationship. Once they get crossed, the line slowly keeps getting pushed back further and further and further until you’re at the point where you’ve crossed the line.
It is easy to justify it to yourself when society condones and promotes having premarital sex. Or by listening to your friends talk about their experiences with their girlfriend or boyfriend. It’s easy to find ways to make it seem not so bad. And in some ways sexual sin is different then other types of sin, because sexual sin can usually be hidden or not talked about until one day it catches up to you and it can’t be hidden any longer.
It has been really important for me to know and hear and understand that sin is sin. That we are all sinners in need of a savior.
No one is immune to sin. We all fall short and mess up. Grace doesn't give us a free pass to knowingly sin. When we sin and we know its wrong but still do it any way, it’s a deliberately turning away from God. It is like saying Hey God, I know this isn’t what you want, I know its wrong but for whatever reason I am going to continue not to honor you and just do my own thing. Jesus doesn’t condemn us, but he does call us to turn from sin and live by the word because it is the best way.
Sex before marriage is wrong. The bible is so clear about it, there is no way we can say we are christ followers, live by the bible but still have sex outside of the covent of marriage. Because no matter how you want to look at it, its a sin. Sexual sin is a serious sin because it is a sin done within ones body. The body is a temple, because after coming to christ the holy spirt lives within us. We are told that we were bought at a price and are called to glorify God with our body. ( See 1 Corinthians 6:18-20)
If you are that person who has gone too far and crossed the line, you should know that you never run to far to be forgiven and redeemed with God’s love & grace.
Or if you are someone who didn’t cross that line, use this to learn from and as a precautionary tale or advice for any situation you may find yourself in, in the future.
Here are some things I wish people would have told me
1. Gods plan for a relationship is always better - No matter what, the way God designs relationship is better. The relationship he has for you and one that honors him is better then any you could chase after alone. The bible is pretty clear on sex, and not putting yourself in a position to have sex until you are under covent and married
2. if you wouldn’t want to sit and tell your parents what your doing you shouldn't be doing it - enough said
3. don’t put yourself in situations where you will be tempted - this is pretty self explanatory, if you put your self in a situation where you are gonna have the chance to fall into sin, the enemy will do everything in his power to make you fall. Don't think you are strong enough to resist temptation, its designed to make you fall.
4. If this isn’t the person you are going to marry you will regret anything physical with them- My Husband and I feel so blessed that we were both virgins when we met and have only been with each other in that way but we had past relationships. Things as simple as holding hands or kissing are things we say we wish we could have just experienced for the first time together. when you are young, you think the person you are dating is who you will be with forever and thats not always the case. So the less you invest in them physically the more you are able to further protect your future spouses heart and your future marriage.
5. married sex is just the best sex - Sex is good, in fact it’s great, but only in the right contents God intended it for. God gave sex as a gift within the covent of marriage, intended to be shared between husband and wife as a bonding experience. If that gift is misused outside Gods purpose then it is not good, it can and will be painful, bring guilt and consequences.
Having sex, isn't just as simple as the act of sex. The bible teaches us that sex is really meaningful and meant to be between a husband and a wife after they have made a covent with God before witness and that they are one. It is a bonding experience where two people literally become “one flesh”. Its such a intimate experience and is beautiful when shared with the right person and in the right time.
If you have had sex before marriage, hope is not lost and you can be forgiven. God is a good father and he rejoices in our repentance and cleanses us from impurities. I know from my own walk and season of repentance, that God is merciful and a loving father. Once you walk away from sinning and start honoring God in your relationship, he will bless it beyond measure.
If you haven't had sex, are struggling with crossing boundaries I really encourage you to wait for the right time to enjoy the gift of sex. To wait on God’s timing and follow what the bible is clear about teaching.
Bible verses for referenced & to study if you struggle with this
1 corinthians 6
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
1 corinthians 7:8-9
1 Corinthians 6:18-20